I go about my morning and as I am sitting on my bed getting ready for the day, I see out of the corner of my eye the shoe being lifted inch by inch off the ground.
Exhibit A:
It hung there all day.
Exhibit B:
It is things of this nature you tend to tell your friends, so I brought it up in conversation and showed them the pictures, and almost immediately a fictitious Shoe Cult was formed.
Obviously something like that exists. They clearly have a president ( The Sole Master), and they undoubtedly have hundreds of members (who have charmingly dubbed themselves the Laceys). They go around leaving pedometers in hotel rooms right along side the Gideon Bible, and a group of devotees can be found in almost every major city in America. You are summoned to join this cult by a single shoe...dangling by a string...hung outside your window. Your initiation consists of correctly identifying different types of shoes, as well as their various materials while blindfolded. Should you be accepted, you are hazed by having your left and right shoe switched or your shoelaces tied together. Wild times are had by all!
They have a dark side, though. Any member who is caught wearing socks with sandals, Crocs, or Vibram Fivefingers (the water shoes with a compartment for each toe), is forced to walk the dreaded halls of the nearest mall for the rest of eternity. dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn
I ignored my calling, only time will tell if I have made the greatest mistake of my life.
The shoe has since been removed from my window, though the person above me dropped a shoe from their window just recently, and I cannot help but feel I was meant to be the victim of this vicious attack.
Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Campus Curmudgeon
Shoe Cult Candidate
*No shoes were harmed in the writing of this blog*
**I'm 99.9% sure a Shoe Cult is not a real thing....But honestly, who knows**
